Swimsuits, There's an app for that!

Now that Febraury has come and has started its way out, Sports Illustrated has circulated its way into homes and possibly in more ways than one. Yep, there's an app for that so you can have that with you wherever you go, for free, without anyone else knowing. I know there may be some parents that think that stuff is ok for their kids to look at, I mean its perfectly normal right? Sure, its normal for males to have a desire to look at that, but that doesnt make it a good idea. Even the secular news reports are stating that SI has pushed the envelope so much that any further would have to be considered pornography. It is a proven fact that as young men develop, their brain is wired to take pictures when aroused to a certain point. Those pictures become standard in their mind of how women should look and act. God designed for those pics to be taken on their wedding night so that they constantly have their new bride in their mind. When our children are exposed to images like that of SI and porn, those pictures are taken way to early and stored in their hard drive giving their future spouse no chance to add up to the standards that have been set. And this actually leads to a lack of sexual interest with your spouse which leads to divorce, affairs, and other sexual addictions. My suggestion? well, I'm glad you asked. Check the mail and throw the swimsuit edition out. Check their phones, their tablets, and their iPods. What's that you say? That's their private property? Hmmm... Your child is your personal property. Protect it!!

I don't remember praying for patience.

"I'm gonna go brush my teeth for a min".
"It's 4 in the afternoon".
"I know".
"She's annoying you isn't she".

That is a conversation that has happened in our home lately. Of course that happens. She's 2. When they repeat words time after time or just grunt instead of using words or running around the store hiding inside the clothes rack or when they turn 12 and suddenly know more than you do. It happens. Kids can be annoying at times. And it's going to happen at almost every stage they are in. It's important to remind yourself of that often. Anybody that you spend enough time with can start to rub you the wrong way. But it is not healthy to feel like you are "stuck" with your children. As parents we need to mentally prepare for these situations ahead of time so that instead of pulling our hair out, we can take a breath and deal with the situation appropriately. Let's look at three steps that help us handle these situations.

1. Think of those things that annoy you the most. Actually sit down and write out the actions that bother you the most so you can keep track of them. You can even make a note when it happens. You might have a new winner the next time you see them.

2. Ask yourself why that bothers you so much. (inwardly or outwardly depends on the age of your child. It might be one of their goals to make you talk to yourself) What is it about that action that bothers you so much? Is it something that could be comical and give the two of you something to laugh about? Is it something that is inappropriate? This is a good time to perform a self evaluation on your attitude. The problem may be within yourself.

3. Determine who needs to be disciplined, you or your child. If you've determined that the action is a problem then deal with your child appropriately. If they are of age, you could have a conversation with them to make them aware of their actions bothering you and possibly others. Maybe even to the point of embarrassing themselves. If your child is still too young to have that conversation with, make sure you handle the situation each time it happens. Be consistent with your discipline to ensure the best results. However, if you realized that your reaction is the problem, learn to change your attitude towards those actions. Learn to laugh at your child and yourself. Put your child first and realize that the problem may have been that you were placing yourself before your child.

I learned, as a parent of a two year old, that most times I was getting annoyed, I was placing myself before my child. Those things she was doing that annoyed me were because I was busy playing angry birds or cleaning up the house instead of getting down on the floor and playing with her.

What are ways that you can prioritize your life so that your children are number one?

How much time is enough?

I grew up in a home that did not always make the income level that would be considered above the poverty line. My father worked long hours trying to run a lawn mower sales and service business. And then when he came home he either had to fix something on the house, mow the grass, fix his own lawn mower, or do firewood to heat the house. My mom cleaned other peoples homes to help with the income. But somehow, I have fond memories of my parents going outside with me while I played, taking me to baseball practice and even staying to watch my games, and sitting down together at the table for dinner. Now that I have a child, I know the difficulty of trying to find time to do what you want to do on top of doing whatever you have to do to bring home the bacon. I am blessed to still have my parents in my life who want to spend time with their grandchildren. I know that not everybody has that opportunity. I want to encourage you to find ways to spend time with your kids and still do what you want to do. It is my personal belief that one problem we have in our society is that parents want to have individuality and are trying not to be defined as parents. I know that there are things I enjoy doing that are often difficult to find time to do like hunting, riding my motorcycle, and even reading. Lame I know. I believe we need to make parenting our priority, but i also believe that we need to pull in our recources to make it possible to go do the things that revitalize us. We need to resync with what charges us so that we can be the best parents we can be. Use your friends, use your parents, use your kid's friend's parents, so that you can go have a cup of coffee with a friend, sit in a treestand for a couple of hours, or take your spouse on a date. The point is, be creative. Invest your time in your children, but also invest your time in yourself.

What are your plans for Christmas Break?

My wife teaches in a middle school and she always has stories of broken hearted kids. I have drawn a conclusion from some of their complaints. Parents don't realize how valuable their time is to their children. She recently had a few kids of divorced homes mention they were not looking forward to going to their other parent's house for a few days over Christmas break. Their reason was that parent was not going to do anything with them. My wife encouraged them to talk to their parents about wanting to do something with them. So I want to encourage you, the parent, to create some time this Christmas season to spend with your children doing something that they want to do. I know that some parents believe that their children do not want to be bothered spending time with them. If truth be told, it very well may not be the case. They may feel the same way about you. They may think that you do not want to be bothered with them. And so you both sit in silence doing your own thing when you could be making memories and enjoying eachother's company. Look for those moments when you can make them feel like they are important to you. Ask questions when they tell you a story, or when they are completely silent. Do something with them that your parents did with you when you were there age. It may not be easy coming up with something to do with your children, especially if you do not see them all the time.  Ask them. They know what they want to do. It may be something as easy as taking them out to eat at their favorite restaurant, or a family game night at home, a hotel pool or indoor water park, the movie theater, or even a pet store to play with the puppies. Some of these things may be a little more pricey (especially if you go home with a puppy) and so it may require to back off a little on presents under the tree, but I think you will agree afterwards that it is worth every penny.

What is the best gift to give this year?

It's coming down to the wire and even the procrastinators like myself are starting to get nervous about what to give to our loved ones. I was just talking with the 9 year old son of some friends of mine and he was going through the list of what he was getting for his whole family. It made him smile just to talk about it. It can be such a joy to give those we love gifts that they will enjoy. In the words of Bryan Haynes, "the best gift a parent can give their child is a deep, life altering faith in Jesus Christ."
All through history there have been leaders because, for whatever reason, people require a physical example. Early in the old testament the Israelites requested a king to lead them. More like they screamed and kicked like a little child at Christmas. They wanted a king, someone that could help them, give them rules and standards, and someone that would tell them what the minimal effort should be. I believe we have been created to be dependant; dependant on one being, God. We have been created with a dependant nature so that we will turn to Him to figure out how to make it in this life. He's given us different avenues of which to access that information; prayer, Holy Spirit, and His Word. But those avenues are difficult. Those avenues require faith, undestanding, discernement, and time. Some of which we have little of. But living as a Christian has never been promised to be simple, or even hinted at it. Christ said, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." Two actions in there make being a follower of Christ very difficult. "Deny himself" and "take up his cross daily." Denying ourselves is not what we are being taught. Quite the opposite actually. Denying ourselves would mean to put others before us and they are holding up the line and are going to make me late, or they handed me a latte when I ordered a mocha. Taking up our cross daily means that it is not going to be easy. It means there are going to be rough spots and you are going to want to give up. I recently watched a show about how one goes about getting into the elite forces of our millitary. Some of those soldiers felt like giving up before the day was over. Others, however, made it through till the end and were awarded the patch, or the pin, they had always dreamed of. Living for Christ as a lifestyle is not always as glamorous as being an Army Ranger, or a Marine Recon, but God tells us those who do will receive their reward.
Deuteronomy 6 says "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
That is the reason for this blog titled Dear Parents of Teens. I want parents to see and understand what matters most in this life. And that's passing on their faith to their children.

As we are parenting, make disciples

I think Jonathan hits the nail on the head with this video, so I'll just let him say it. Watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rgk-QADmSCo&feature=player_embedded

Media Usage

This will be my first attempt at reaching the world of media by anything longer than a status update. This blog was created for and is intended to be read by parents of teens. This fact may surprise you given the title. It is my personal goal to reach and impact this generation of teens with the gospel of Jesus and the idea of common sense. I believe that we can say that media is helping to tear down the "family values" but I also believe we are doing a pretty good job of that ourselves. We are called to be examples to those around us but are failing to promote good behavior to those that are in our own homes. We have many options when it comes to media, and often use several of those options on a daily basis. TV's, computers, smart phones, tablets, and ipods, all of which now are capable of displaying everything the internet has to offer; the good, the bad, and the inappropriate. The example they see from us is having the TV on all day, surfing the web constantly, and and trying to check our facebook while having a conversation with our children or spouse. The use of all types of media is not bad, but as with everything else, timing is everything. Use common sense when using these devices and if possible, choose face to face conversation instead of media devices.
Also, what type of safety nets do you have in place on the devices in your home? These devices have parental controls that can be set with a password to ensure that your children, or yourself, do not take in too many views. xxxchurch.com aso has introduced an app for your smartphones and ipods to keep their users accountable. X3 Watch is designed to record questionable websites that you visit and reports them to your accountability partners that you have chosen. Check it out at  http://www.x3watch.com/.